10/21/11
First of all, before we hit Cape Cod, we left Maine with a song in our hearts to be on the road again. As we traveled along all was well, heading to Boston again, across their "viaduct" this time. As we pulled through the toll booth we heard a horrific rending noise that stopped us dead in our tracks. TC began to slowly back up, but the booth attendent was yelling, "Don't go backwards!" He was handing her the money, but she didn't seem concerned about the noise we had made, yet. We both knew it was bad, but couldn't identify anything yet, because of the booth and the traffic. I could see in my side mirror that a cargo door had ripped most of the way off, so I got out to see what I could do. Meanwhile, the "Masshole drivers" were backing up behind us and honking, as usual. It made me yell "Shut up!!!" which really did the trick of having no effect whatsoever. The door was ripped off the hinge and was hanging by one screw, with detritus strewn everywhere from hitting the concrete pole. I gathered up what I could, ripped the door the rest of the way off, and crammed it inside the cargo space. There was a pull-off directly ahead of us which I and the toll booth attendant's supervisor agreed would be a dandy spot for us to regroup. Poor Tony was pretty shook up - the high pitched scraping, and low pitched howling that door made exiting its proper place was horrific - and couldn't really do anything at that moment except worry. We pulled over and taped up the opening, then moved on. Pictures below:
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| Poor Blue, Missing Cargo Door |
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| No Door! Big Hole! |
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| Cargo Door's Boo Boo |
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| Poor Door |
After all was said and done, it's just another one of those things that happens. We found a place to camp after I had a major screaming fit when I felt Ton-Ton wasn't being appreciative of my planning skills. Yes, I apologized later. Tony took note of the damage and spent the next four days trying to figure out the best fix in both the long and short runs. Although he's not a worrying man, he spent a few sleepless hours over this little problem. It's now closed off with plywood, the broken door in the backseat of the Sebring. On to much more pleasant thoughts.
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Things I like: Blue skies. Alex B. Tony. Roku. Sparkly paved roads. Tan legs. Quiet beaches with good shells. Long, straight roads. Sunlight through trees. A good campsite. Genuinely friendly people. Ton-Ton’s fried egg samiches. Kid Rock. My seesters and bros. Sun every day. A blue pool to swim in. The smell of salt air. Mt. Rainier. My women friends. A clean windshield. Having a good, clean poop. Solid, deep sleep. Driving the convertible on a sunny day. A cup of Nespresso espresso with foamed half and half. The smell of burning madrona leaves in the fall. Laughing loud and hard. First graders going to school. County fairs. Baby animals. Fairness. Peace. Pema Chodron.
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| Tan Legs - I Likee! |
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| Blue Skies |
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Sunlight through trees
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Roku on a Stroll
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| Home > Teachings > Start Where You Are | |
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START WHERE YOU ARE To Know Yourself is to Forget Yourself
We might think that knowing ourselves is a very ego-centered thing, but by beginning to look clearly and honestly at ourselves, we begin to dissolve the walls that separate us from others.
The journey of awakening happens just at the place where we can't get comfortable. Opening to discomfort is the basis of transmuting our so-called negative feelings. We somehow want to get rid of our uncomfortable feelings either by justifying them or by squelching them, but it turns out that this is like throwing the baby out with the bath water.
According to the teachings of vajrayana, or tantric, Buddhism, our wisdom and our confusion are so interwoven that it doesn't work to just throw things out. By trying to get rid of negativity, by trying to eradicate it, by putting it into a column labeled bad, we are throwing away our wisdom as well, because everything in us is creative energy-particularly our strong emotions. They are filled with life-force.
There is nothing wrong with negativity per se; the problem is that we never see it, we never honor it, we never look into its heart. We don't taste our negativity, smell it, get to know it.
Instead, we are always trying to get rid of it by punching someone in the face, by slandering someone, by punishing ourselves, or by repressing our feelings. In between repression and acting out, however, there is something wise and profound and timeless. If we just try to get rid of negative feelings, we don't realize that those feelings are our wisdom. The transmutation comes from the willingness to hold our seat with the feeling, to let the words go, to let the justification go. We don't have to have resolution. We can live with a dissonant note; we don't have to play the next key to end the tune.
Curiously enough, this journey of transmutation is one of tremendous joy. We usually seek joy in the wrong places, by trying to avoid feeling whole parts of the human condition. We seek happiness by believing that whole parts of what it is to be human are unacceptable. We feel that something has to change in ourselves.
However, unconditional joy comes about through some kind of intelligence in which we allow ourselves to see clearly what we do with great honesty, combined with a tremendous kindness and gentleness. This combination of honesty, or clear-seeing, and kindness is the essence of maitri-unconditional friendship with ourselves.
This is a process of continually stepping into unknown territory. You become willing to step into the unknown territory of your own being. Then you realize that this particular adventure is not only taking you into your own being, it's also taking you out into the whole universe.
You can only go into the unknown when you have made friends with yourself.
You can only step into those areas "out there" by beginning to explore and have curiosity about this unknown "in here," in yourself. Dogen Zen-ji said, "To know yourself is to forget yourself."
We might think that knowing ourselves is a very ego-centered thing, but by beginning to look so clearly and so honestly at ourselves-at our emotions, at our thoughts, at who we really are-we begin to dissolve the walls that separate us from others. Somehow all of these walls, these ways of feeling separate from everything else and everyone else, are made up of opinions. They are made up of dogma; they are made of prejudice. These walls come from our fear of knowing parts of ourselves.
There is a Tibetan teaching that is often translated as, Self-cherishing is the root of all suffering. It can be hard for a Western person to hear the term "self-cherishing" without misunderstanding what is being said.
I would guess that 85% of us Westerners would interpret it as telling us that we shouldn't care for ourselves-that there is something anti-wakeful about respecting ourselves. But that isn't what it really means. What it is talking about is fixating.
Self-cherishing refers to how we try to protect ourselves by fixating; how we put up walls so that we won't have to feel discomfort or lack of resolution. That notion of self-cherishing refers to the erroneous belief that there could be only comfort and no discomfort, or the belief that there could be only happiness and no sadness, or the belief that there could be just good and no bad.
But what the Buddhist teachings point out is that we could take a much bigger perspective, one that is beyond good and evil. Classifications of good and bad come from lack of maitri. We say that something is good if it makes us feel secure and it's bad if it makes us feel insecure. That way we get into hating people who make us feel insecure and hating all kinds of religions or nationalities that make us feel insecure. And we like those who give us ground under our feet.
When we are so involved with trying to protect ourselves, we are unable to see the pain in another person's face. "Self-cherishing" is ego fixating and grasping: it ties our hearts, our shoulders, our head, our stomach, into knots. We can't open. Everything is in a knot. When we begin to open we can see others and we can be there for them. But to the degree that we haven't worked with our own fear, we are going to shut down when others trigger our fear.
So to know yourself is to forget yourself. This is to say that when we make friends with ourselves we no longer have to be so self-involved. It's a curious twist: making friends with ourselves is a way of not being so self-involved anymore. Then Dogen Zen-ji goes on to say, To forget yourself is to become enlightened by all things.
When we are not so self-involved, we begin to realize that the world is speaking to us all of the time. Every plant, every tree, every animal, every person, every car, every airplane is speaking to us, teaching us, awakening us. It's a wonderful world, but we often miss it. It's as if we see the previews of coming attractions and never get to the main feature.
When we feel resentful or judgmental, it hurts us and it hurts others. But if we look into it we might see that behind the resentment there is fear and behind the fear there is a tremendous softness. There is a very big heart and a huge mind-a very awake, basic state of being. To experience this we begin to make a journey, the journey of unconditional friendliness toward the self that we already are.
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Feels good to list the stuff that makes my heart sing. I am so filled with unconscious anxiety every day that I don’t THINK about what I LIKE a lot. I’m alive and doing what most people working can only dream of after they turn 65. I am alive and can smell the leaves as they fall, kiss my cat between his ears, watch Tony figure out an RV problem, send post cards to those I cherish. I am blessed and lucky each and every day I am breathing. I ache a lot, don’t know why – should I worry or not? It does worry me – the joke with my siblings is that whenever we have an ache or pain it “must be a brain tumor.” Macabre, I know, but it makes us laugh the dread away. I ache but I just keep doing, keep walking forward; most days, some I read all day or sleep a lot. I don’t know what’s right or wrong, I listen to myself and follow suit. If I stay in bed TOO long, however, nasty old black-bottomed depression can step on me HARD. I try and avoid THAT little bit of news from the black hole of life.
We have seen Cape Cod from every aspect, I think. It’s a long, long peninsula of 70 miles or so, surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean, propped up by sandy beaches. There are many sections/regions/areas to the whole, such as: Yarmouth, Bourne, Brewster, Barnstable, Hyannis. I believe we’ve hit them all, and they are all, to varying degrees, lovely.
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| Private Beach on Cape Cod, MA |
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| Private Beach on Cape Cod, MA |
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| Private Beach on Cape Cod, MA |
I made a fabulous pot of wild rice chowder. Really good, but I made too much so I froze the rest.
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| Wild Rice Chowder |
Cape Cod here we are! A brief pictorial and summary of our time on the Cape.
Provincetown is at the very tip of the Cape, a long drive out, sand washed across the road, dunes high over our heads. Kind of like the southern Oregon coast, “the dunes”. And Oregon is pronounced Or’-ee-gone in New England. They also say heya a lot for hear, and drop many “r’s”. The Cape folks are a charming bunch, quite happily living on their spit of land, not crossing the bridges Bourne or Sagamore too often. They love this piece of land, are so proud of their beaches, their pilgrim heritage. And they still eat lobstah, love it, in fact. They make all of their yearly money in about a two to five month summer period, when the Cape is overrun with tourists. It’s busy here anyway, I can’t imagine what it’s like when the “season” hits hard. Must be wall to wall traffic on the one two lane road - Rt 6 – right down the middle.
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| Provincetown Dunes, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Provincetown Beach, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Lobster Shop, Provincetown, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Lobster Pot's Famous Chowder, Cape Cod, MA |
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| And Lobster Pot Fish and Chips, Cape Cod, MA |
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| View from The Lobster Shop, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Provincetown Street, Cape Cod, MA |
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| The Pilgrim Tower, Provincetown, Cape Cod, MA | | | |
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| The Pilgrim's Find Cape Cod, MA |
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| Sweet Words from a Pilgrim's Journal |
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| And the Mason's Laid the Cornerstone for the Pilgrim's Monument |
We had diligently been looking for a cranberry bog to watch the harvest - after all, we're right in the heart of cranberry country. On one of our many drives TC turned down a road by chance...and there was the bog, and those wonderful men were harvesting. Afterward, we found a farm stand and bought those fresh bad boys, red and plump in their sack. Also got some fresh kale for my new mac and cheese with kale and spinach recipe (unbelievably delicious!).
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| Cranberry harvesting on Cape Cod, MA |
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| Cranberry Harvesting, Cape Cod, MA |
We went to the Bayview beach by accident, and I melted into the smell, the sand, the utter beauty of this little beach on this little harbor. Shells galore, and what seems like pre-agate rocks, are strewn on the sugar sand beach by the tide, but as if Poseidon himself laid them out each night, for us to enjoy during the day, they’re so perfectly and beautifully arranged. The sun sparkled not only on the waves, but on the sand as well – lucky I had my shades on. Snarky wind kept my hair roiling in the air, teasing it into many knots; but ah! It felt grand to just let it be mussed into a mess, and smelled better than a new spring. That wind scoured my heart clean, and I welcomed it.
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| Bayview Beach, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Bayview Beach, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Bayview Beach, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Bayview Beach with Fast Ferry, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Bayview Beach, Cape Cod, MA |
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| Me at Bayview Beach, Cape Cod, MA |
Luckily for us we took another wrong turn and ended up in front of our newest favorite bakery, Buckie’s Biscotti in Hyannis. They do everything right here, from their many flavors of biscotti, to choose a filling for your canolli, cookies, lunch items, espresso and exquisite service. We had a lemon tea cake with icing the other day that was just redonkulously good. Today we chose a gingerbread cake and they put icing on at our request – with a happy smile. We still haven’t broken into the almond joy cookies, but they await!
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| Buckie's Biscotti Cafe, Hyannis, MA |
Also hit the JFK Museum in Hyannis, which is a huge disappointment. Very low key, nothing you couldn’t see in the many books written about the Kennedy’s. It’s like they had to do SOMETHING for more tourist bucks, and this is a very poor effort on their part.
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| JFK Museum, Hyannis, MA |
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| Sign for Pen Used by JFK to Enact the Cape Cod Shores Act |
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| Pen Used by JFK to Enact Cape Cod Shores Act |
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| JFK's and Family |
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| JFK's Chair |
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| JFK |
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| JFK and Jackie at Hyannis, MA |
We also went to the Baxter Grist Mill, closed, unfortunately, and ran into some teenager swans, hoping for a handout. Sorry beauties.
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| Baxter Grist Mill, Yarmouth, MA |
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| Baxter Grist Mill, Yarmouth, MA |
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| Baxter Grist Mill, Yarmouth, MA |
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| Teenager Swans at Baxter Grist mill |
Saw this church full of pumpkins that was festive and scrumptious:
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| Church with Pumpkins for Sale |
I couldn’t leave the Cod Blog without sharing a few pics of a real Cape Cod house – this is it folks – everything else is a fraud!
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| Cape Cod House |
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| Modified Cape Cod House |
10/22/11
Got a good start on the road today, sunny and blue skies. Made great time on a lovely road to Rhode Island.
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| Cruise Ship in Cape Cod Canal, MA |
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| Top O' the Bridge in RI |
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| More Bridge Pics |
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| Tony and Top O' the Bridge |
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| More Tolls for RI |
When we got to Massapoisett, TC made a quick right into a large parking lot with an old diner named the South Sound Diner. We were so delighted with every aspect of the diner. As soon as we stepped foot inside we were greeted by almost the entire staff, with smiles. Although not many customers were present, it seemed to me, at least, that they had just experienced a breakfast rush and were now in a lull. As we were reading the menu, several questions came up, like, “What’s a boda?” Not only is the menu hilarious, but it became clear we needed to sit up straight and pay attention.
Every dish was familiar sounding, but twisted a lot, as if you were holding it up to a fun house mirror. The eggs benedicts all had homemade hollandaise, doctored to fit the flair they added.
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| Eggs Benedict with Pulled Pork on Cornbread |
We had such a great time talking with the owners, reading their hilarious menus, buying some BBQ sauce and eating happily of their unusual fair.
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